Lucy
January 6, 2012
I honestly thought it would take me a long time to write this post, but it’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. This needs to be written. There will probably be more words throughout the next days, weeks, and months… but this is what’s on my mind tonight. If you don’t know who Lucy is, just search her name on my blog. I’ve written about her a million times.
We were inseparable in high school the way high school girls are. She moved to Houston at the beginning of our sophomore year and Lucy and I weren’t really given a choice in the matter. We were going to be friends. She moved into a house a few blocks away and my family was the only one she knew. Not because of any special reason other than the fact that my mom worked at our high school and had given her family the tour of the school when they were visiting.
For the first month or two we carpooled with our parents. I was instructed by my mom to be nice to her and help her meet people. I always hated that. My mom met every single new student, there was no way I could be responsible for all of their social lives. But Lucy was different. Lucy and I clicked. Instantly. We saw each other all the time, wrote notes, spent the night at each other’s houses, and told each other everything. In November of that year I turned 16 and got a blue Mustang. I’d pick her up for school and we’d think we were so cool. Then she turned 16 in December and got a red Mustang. Her’s was newer but mine had a spoiler, so we were even.
For two years she was the most important person in my life, and vice versa. Of course she always had her best friend from childhood, Katie, but there was never any jealousy. Lucy was better than that. She made everyone feel special.
Then through a series of things that are only important to high school girls, we put up a wall between us. There was never a really big fight… really big fights can be resolved. There was a deeper issue that caused the rift. We quit speaking the summer before our senior year in high school. I didn’t care too much at the time, honestly. Yeah it hurt, she was my best friend. But we both had our opinions and we didn’t even try to talk it out.
Throughout college I thought about her all the time. But how do you mend a friendship that was so far gone? How to you make up when there never really was a fight to begin with? How do you SUCK UP YOUR DAMN PRIDE AND JUST GET OVER IT? We aren’t good at that, my family. We hold onto things. It’s our biggest flaw.
So we didn’t speak a word throughout college. Four years, no words. Plus senior year in high school. No words. I graduated from college and married Stephen. Still no words. To date, my biggest regret in life is not having Lucy at my wedding.
Through the grapevine I heard that she was back in Houston going to chiropractic school. I missed her. I missed her a lot. But I had no clue how to reach out. I knew she’d take me back. There was never a mean bone in her body, so that was never the question. It was just a matter of making the move. So one day I logged into Facebook and found her. I sent her a message that said, “I just want you to know that it has been 6 years and I am still addicted to Chapstick. I hope you are too since you’re the one that started my bad habit!”
And that was it. The friendship started back up. Slowly at first, then Ike hit and we saw her more often. Then she needed school credits so she started treating me and I saw her even more. Then I got pregnant and she treated me a couple times a week.
We never discussed the black years. We never pointed any fingers. (Though I’m sure I’m the one to blame, she never mentioned it.) I don’t think it was ever necessary. We both knew that we regretted our decisions from the past and we both knew how much we loved each other. That was all that was important. Sorry was implied. Sorry was felt.
I got the initial news from her boyfriend about 8 weeks ago. She’d gone to England for her grandmother’s funeral (the same grandmother that bought me socks in high school because “Americans don’t know how to make good socks”) and had gone to the ER with serious stomach pains. She’d mentioned these pains off and on for a while but kept thinking they were ovarian cysts. They weren’t. The doctors in England found absesses on her bowels from a tear. They drained them and thought she’d heal.
Long, sad story short, she didn’t heal. She came back to America 4 weeks ago and felt better for about 2 days. Then the vomiting started again so she went back to the hospital. It was at that point that they ran scans and did biopsies. I saw her the day before she got the cancer diagnosis and it was heartbreaking. She was my strong friend. My healthy friend. The one who yelled at everyone about taking their vitamins and eating well. She worked out, she healed people, she played tennis. She weighed 90 pounds. I left that night with a terrible feeling in my gut.
I got the call from her that Friday. Three weeks ago. They found cancer cells in the liver, before the full biopsy results were even in. I stayed strong on the phone, told her I loved her, and sobbed the rest of the night. That was the last time I heard her voice. The next few weeks were a roller coaster. I got updates via text from her and her boyfriend. Some days I would feel optimistic, other days I cried myself to sleep. The cancer was in her colon and moved to her liver. The tumor was large and aggressive. She was going to start chemo after she recovered from the surgery she had on her colon to assess the tumor. She never got that chance.
Lucy passed away on Thursday, January 5th with her family by her side.
When someone dies, a million cliches are spoken. People talk about God’s plan, she’s looking down on you, she’s in a better place, one day it’ll make sense, she was the greatest person I’ve ever known, etc. Sure, I don’t understand all of it and I probably never will. Obviously I know she’s in a better place and I’m thankful she’s no longer in pain… I don’t mourn for her, she gets to be with Jesus. I mourn me. I mourn her parents, her brothers, her boyfriend. I mourn my son who will never remember her and my future kids who will never meet her. I mourn the life I had with her. I wonder why it was cut so short, yes, but not a second has gone by that I haven’t known Lucy’s purpose in my life.
She was here to teach me selfless love. And more importantly, she was here to teach me forgiveness. First hand forgiveness. Chelsea, you were a stubborn punk high school girl and you hurt my feelings for not fighting for my friendship, but I’ll absolutely be your friend now and never EVER remind you of how sad you made me… instead, I will love you.
A couple months ago I had this conversation with my best friend Lyndsey. Lucy is the epitome of a selfless friend. I was a fool to have kept her out of my life for 5 years. Even before she was sick, I mourned that missing time with her. Even before I needed to reflect on what an amazing person she was, I knew.
Don’t waste a minute, friends. Yes life gets crazy, yes people have their differences, yes excuses excuses excuses. If someone is important to you, keep them a priority. If someone was important to you at one point, take a step back and revisit that relationship. Maybe God hasn’t put someone in your life to teach you those lessons. Can I offer my story to you? You can learn from it just the same.
I have no neat bow to tie the post up with. The bow in hand is dark and ugly. This is only the beginning of my mourning process and I dread the future pain. I manage to pull myself together, sometimes for a full 30 minutes, and then it hits me like a ton of bricks and I hurt so badly again. Thank you for all of your kind words. Please keep all of us in your prayers, we are aching for our friend.
Filed under: Chelsea
58 Comments Leave a Comment
1.
Tabaitha | January 6, 2012 at 2:08 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. Nothing makes it easier. I know you are extremely thankful that God chose you to be her friend. I’m sure Lucy felt the same about you. Praying for you.
2.
Charise | January 6, 2012 at 2:10 am
Soooo sweet! Your words were perfect, as usual. I’m sorry that you are all hurting- your class is like my first school family. We watched you grow up! It hurts me to see all the posts about your loss. Please know I will be keeping you all in my prayers. If I were there I’d hug you!!
Much love!!
3.
Maureen | January 6, 2012 at 4:15 am
She was a great girl. I was reading FB messages from her that she wrote to me the day she had her surgery, she was so upbeat and so sweet. I can’t believe she is gone. I am happy I had the chance to know her. I am so sorry for you, and her family, David, and all who love her.
4.
Ashley | January 6, 2012 at 4:20 am
I can’t say anything to help, but I am so deeply sorry for your loss. You are better for having known her, and her influence in you will be there forever. My thoughts are with you!
5.
Debbie Flores | January 6, 2012 at 4:34 am
Lucy was an amazing, talented, selfless, caring, strong and courageous person. She gave it her all in everything and never accepted anything but the best. I’m so sorry this happened, and so sorry it happened so fast. We are all better people for having known Lucy. She will be forever in our hearts. Love you always!! <3
6.
Southern Gal | January 6, 2012 at 6:26 am
Lucy sounds like a truly wonderful person, Chelsea. To have known her and been her friend must have been amazing. Don’t live with regrets. You made amends and went from there. You learned a lesson of life and can now pass it on to others. From the way you describe her I’m sure Lucy wouldn’t want you to live with regrets. Dwell on those sweet times you had together.
You know I’m praying for you.
7.
april | January 6, 2012 at 6:26 am
I’m so sorry, Chelsea. I don’t know what else to say, but I’m truly sorry for your loss.
8.
Stephenie | January 6, 2012 at 6:35 am
Sometimes I hate the way God teaches us lessons! Again there are no words to heal your pain but you have captured her amazing spirit in these photos you have of her! What a gift you have to have known such a jewel. Prayers of peace and comfort for you and her family.
9.
Molly | January 6, 2012 at 7:19 am
That was so, so beautiful.
10.
Julie | January 6, 2012 at 7:19 am
I am sorry for your loss. No words are going to replace the one you loss except that some people truly know how you are feeling and even though you think it won’t, one day it will get better. You’ll have your moments and remembrances but know that she knew and knows that you will forever be her friend.
11.
Jen | January 6, 2012 at 7:20 am
So well written Chels. I’m so thankful you brought us all back together. Beautiful reflection of a beautiful person. I’m still so confused and angry right now, I know soon I’ll be able to process this better…well I pray I can at least.
12.
AshleyD | January 6, 2012 at 7:38 am
This is so beautiful. Lucy sounds like an amazing and wonderful person. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
13.
Rachel | January 6, 2012 at 7:41 am
It’s amazing how time can give us perspective. Well written Chelsea. Never forget that regardless of that lost time, Lucy knows you love her and is still grateful to have you as her friend.
14.
Autumn @ One Boy and Two Cats | January 6, 2012 at 8:36 am
What a beautiful friend and person.
Thanks for sharing…. praying for you.
15.
Kelly W. | January 6, 2012 at 8:50 am
I just can’t believe it…I am so sorry for your loss and I will be praying for everyone! Sending my love, thoughts, and prayers!
16.
Marlena | January 6, 2012 at 9:00 am
I’m trying not to ugly cry at my desk. I’m SO SO SO sorry, Chelsea. I know Lucy was very special to you. She was beautiful, inside and out. I hate when people speak in cliches so I will spare you that but I’m thinking about you.
17.
Amber @ A Little Pink in the Cornfields | January 6, 2012 at 9:10 am
I cannot believe how fast things can change. How a few days, a few weeks, a month or a year can seem like such a short time, but really a LOT can happen in that time. I cannot believe how fast she was taken away. I’m so sorry to hear this horrible news. Lucy sounds like a wonderful person that I’m sure will be incredibly missed.
18.
Angela | January 6, 2012 at 9:17 am
Your words are wise. Cherish the fact that your friendship was mended before her death. Lucy was an uncredible young lady, one who I enjoyed coaching/teaching at Lutheran South. I was looking through my pictures last night and saw several from her playing tennis, she will be missed! I will be praying for you, all her friends, and her family. Please let me know when the services will be held.
19.
Dad | January 6, 2012 at 9:20 am
What a great tribute to a great girl from a great girl.
20.
Katy | January 6, 2012 at 9:25 am
I have no wise words, but I am praying for you and Lucy’s family. I’m so glad you and Lucy got to reunite before this happened.
21.
Stephany | January 6, 2012 at 9:30 am
So beautifully written, Chelsea. Cancer is such a beast. I am so sorry for your loss and her family’s loss because she seems like she was a beautiful soul. You are blessed for having known her. <3
22.
TarynE | January 6, 2012 at 9:31 am
I am so sorry for your loss. I know Dad was very upset when he heard. If you get a chance, buy “A Grief Observed” by CS Lewis. It’s pretty short, and was written after the death of his wife. Its one of the many books I read after I lost my best friend, Jeff, two years ago in a car accident. Keeping you and the family in my prayers.
23.
Emily | January 6, 2012 at 10:06 am
Chelsea, I’m so sorry you lost your friend. I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you, I imagine that will be hard for you right now. This was beautifully written and I hope that writing it brought you some comfort. Sleep well, friend. I imagine you could use a good night’s sleep.
24.
Darla Baerg | January 6, 2012 at 10:07 am
Oh Chelsea. I am so sorry. That was a beautiful post. A wonderful tribute to friendship, eloquent on forgiveness and full of love. Praying for you all.
25.
Tina | January 6, 2012 at 10:37 am
Chelsea…
This is beautiful. Thank you for using your perfect words to write about Lucy. Remembering those Mustangs made me smile.
I’m praying for you today. Would love to give you a huge hug.
I wrote a (very inadequate) post also. Good way to sort out my confusion and hurt.
http://www.bestoftimesblog.com/2012/01/lucy-kenyon.html
26.
Jennifer | January 6, 2012 at 10:44 am
I found out about Lucy only a couple of days ago and thought I would visit her soon – I regret I didn’t come. Thank you Chelsea for all your kind words, so eloquent and touching; they are a blessing to me. I have great memories of the two of you, inseparable.
27.
Krys | January 6, 2012 at 11:18 am
This made me tear up. Absolutely beautiful words and she sounds like a beautiful person. I’m so sorry for your loss.
28.
Jen | January 6, 2012 at 11:27 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know that nothing I or anyone can say will make things better, so just know you’re in my thoughts and prayers.
29.
Melissa | January 6, 2012 at 11:36 am
I was crying before I got to the half way point of this post. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss, and I know that doesn’t fix anything but I am thinking of you and your family and her family so much right now. I’ve been exactly where you are (exactly!) and I was an absolute mess for a long time about it, but with my friends’ help it got a little easier. If you ever need to talk, let me know. Seriously cannot believe how fast this all happened.
<3
30.
Alice (aka Nana) | January 6, 2012 at 11:45 am
Thank you for sharing my sweet girl. You captured Lucy so well and putting yourself out there to show what love and forgiveness is all about will be a blessing to many. My heart hurts right along with you and I so wish, as a mom, that I could shield you from this pain. Remember the wonderful times you had together because they will help you draw strength as time goes on. Hugs and more hugs……
31.
Aunt Bonnie | January 6, 2012 at 11:59 am
Honey, my heart is breaking for you all. I know how very much Lucy meant to you, which makes it even harder. I have a similar story about my best friend from high school, who was totally out of my life for 40 years. I’ll share it with you sometime.
Know that so many of us are lifting you and all of Lucy’s family and friends up in prayer.
32.
Katie | January 6, 2012 at 12:34 pm
Beautifully said. I’m crying for you and Lucy and for a friendship of mine that ended 6 years ago and that I still mourn. I’m so sorry that you lost her :(
33.
Kaitlin | January 6, 2012 at 2:44 pm
Thank you for sharing this. These words are beautiful and so true to the Lucy that we all love. I can’t believe how fast this all happened, my heart is breaking for all the lives she touched.
34.
Lesley | January 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm
Beautifully wriiten and heartbreaking. Lucy sounds like a beautiful person. Your story makes me think I should stop being so stubborn and reach out to an old HS friend. Stay strong.
35.
Erin | January 6, 2012 at 3:21 pm
Chelsea I am so sorry! And SHOCKED. It feels like I’ve read about her forever on R&R. Your words are beautiful – and one day you’ll get to tell her all these things in person :) Thank you for the reminder to stop being a punk who holds grudges…I needed it.
36.
Cousin Kim | January 6, 2012 at 3:22 pm
That has to be the most beautiful tribute to a friend I have ever read.
And…I really can’t process this. The girls are napping and I am sitting here bawling … crying my heart out for you. All I can seem to think about is – what if this were MY best friend? I don’t know how I could deal with a major loss like that. I mean – we tell our best friends things we don’t even tell our parents. They know us better, too – in some respects.
I am SOOO glad you reconnected with her. It makes me wanna look up folks that I love that I have not seen or heard from in years.
Chels… my heart aches for you and I wish more than anything that you wouldn’t have to go thru this. But now that you are, and you have to barrel thru – I hope you will stay close to God in prayer during the grieving. I KNOW He will give you peace and heal your heart. I love you.
37.
Jean | January 6, 2012 at 3:33 pm
I am new to your blog….but not to you and your large family. Lovely words written for a very special friend. My heart hurts for you. This posting s/b required reading by all hs girls…of course, they won’t think so at this junction in their life…God is in control though…which in some way puts moms in control of what are daughters read. Peace to you.
38.
Christina | January 6, 2012 at 4:03 pm
I am so, so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and to Lucy’s family.
Absolutely beautiful post. Your friend would be proud.
Take care!
39.
abby | January 6, 2012 at 4:31 pm
Crying. So sorry for you.
40.
Lisa of Lisa's yarns | January 6, 2012 at 6:13 pm
I am fighting back years because I am sitting on a flight and can’t be ‘that girl’ crying. But if I was in the privacy of my home, years would be falling from my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. None I this is fair and I know life isn’t fair. And I am glad you are taking comfort in the fact that she is in a better place, but dang it still sucks!
I am thinking of you and Lucy’s family and loved ones. How horrible.
41.
Luke Choate | January 6, 2012 at 7:56 pm
I can’t believe this happened. It almost doesn’t seem real. I haven’t been back to Houston in over 3 years but I still remember the important people. The Kenyon’s were always such a great family. I don’t know how many times Jonathan and I would just show up and Lucy would make sure we were fed and entertained. In college we had different groups of freinds but Lucy always made me feel welcome even when her freinds didn’t. Lucy was never anything but gracious and loving to me. I’m lucky to have known her. Thank you for writing this Chelsea. The Kenton’s are in my prayers. There isn’t a cliche fitting for a situation like this. Lucy was a wonderful person.
42.
Kyria | January 6, 2012 at 11:12 pm
I am sorry for your loss. I know there are no words, but I still want you to know that you have our support and well wishes!
43.
Jen Castle | January 7, 2012 at 6:30 pm
So touching. Thank you for sharing.
When I lost a good friend 2 years ago,
I came across this quote and somehow,
It brought comfort.
“Don’t cry because it’s over,
Smile because it happened.”
-Dr. Suess
44.
RN | January 7, 2012 at 8:05 pm
I was one of Lucy’s nurses and never have I met a more positive, caring, delightful human-being. I prepped her for her biopsy praying that the biopsy wouldn’t be cancer. Came back a few days later to find out that indeed it was. Even after she received the pathology that evening from the oncologist she was so stoic. I fell in love with her from the day I met her. Then she had her surgery. I visited her on the post-surgical unit several times…then she came back to my unit. Hospice. I worked the night before she passed. She always tried cheering me up and never once felt sorry for herself. She was selfless. She told me one morning that she didn’t like a certain MD that was seeing her because every time this doctor would have something to say there was no optimism regarding her prognosis. She didn’t want her parents to hurt more than they already were. She voiced this to me. To Mr. & Mrs. Kenyon…I’m so sorry for your loss. Just know that she has touched so many people in her short yet productive life. To her brothers…she talked about y’all constantly. I remember seeing the relationship between you and your sister. Something very special. I know what it is like to lose a sibling so suddenly. She will always be with you. Try your best to remember the good memories. Much condolences…
45.
Kelly | January 8, 2012 at 7:32 pm
What a beautiful, but also heart breaking post. I have always tried to be a very forgiving person for this reason. So far I haven’t found a single thing that I can’t forgive- I hope this continues. I am so glad that you and Lucy forgave each other and became friends again- I only wish you had more time.
46.
Erin | January 8, 2012 at 11:06 pm
It took me several days to work up the nerve to read this post. I am sobbing. I wish I had words of wisdom for you or a way to help with the pain, but mine still hits me like a ton of bricks on a daily basis. You are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend.
47.
Cait | January 8, 2012 at 11:39 pm
This hurts my heart so badly. Sending prayers for you & Lucy’s friends and family – she sounds like a sweet girl and I’m so sorry she was taken so soon.
48.
Ginger | January 9, 2012 at 12:06 am
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. There are no other words I can offer, other than I’m thinking of you, and Lucy’s family.
49.
Lauren @ Enchanting | January 9, 2012 at 11:52 am
Oh Chelsea, I am so, so sorry for your loss. It’s uplifting that you’ve been able to think about the good that Lucy brought into your world, and I hope that you’re able to keep that in mind. I am thinking of you, and of her family. xo.
50.
Debbie | January 9, 2012 at 4:58 pm
Oh Chelsea. This post made me cry. I am so, so, so sorry. I just dealt with a similar situation a few months ago. A friend from high school passed away extremely unexpectedly after a bout with pneumonia and mono. It was so awful. She has two small boys and a very loving husband. I had never cried so much in my life than I did the few weeks she was in ICU, then when she passed, then again at her funeral and afterwards.
I wrote a blog post after I attended her funeral because I actually felt a little bit better. Her pastor did such an amazing job of explaining things in a way to give everyone comfort. I had to come home and blog about it so I would always have his messages written down for when I need them in the future. I know no words will make the pain go away, but, maybe something from his message in my post will help a tiny bit. I’m so sorry for you, her, her family and everyone that knew her. We’ll be sure to add her to our prayers. :(
http://confessionsofanextrovert.blogspot.com/2011/09/lindsays-funeral.html
51.
Tim | January 10, 2012 at 3:52 pm
I am sorry for your loss, may she rest in peace.
52.
lauryn | January 12, 2012 at 10:11 am
My heart hurts for you and for her family. I’m so sorry for your loss <3
53.
Debbie Q | January 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm
Oh my friend I am so, so sorry. I will be praying for you and for Lucy’s family.
54.
Jen Moy Torres | January 13, 2012 at 12:26 am
Thank you for telling the story of your friendship with Lucy. Makes me want to reconnect with all my long lost friends.
55.
heidi | January 15, 2012 at 5:05 pm
I am praying for you, and for Lucy’s friends and family. There are no words I can give you, except that I’m deeply sorry and I wish you all peace.
God Bless
56.
Edwin | January 17, 2012 at 4:26 pm
So sorry to hear about your loss. May she rest in peace.
57.
Lauren | January 23, 2012 at 7:49 pm
To be completely honest, I’ve been avoiding this post with purpose. But for some reason, I decided to visit your blog tonight, and I saw the post and just couldn’t avoid it anymore. I started reading, and I expected myself to stop, but I couldn’t. I kept on until the end. It’s hard to really understand what I feel. I’ve never lost anyone close to me, and I couldn’t imagine losing my best friend. She’s everything to me, and I am so terribly sorry for what you’re feeling. Please know that I’ve thought about Lucy’s and your friendship a lot over the last few weeks, and that I hope you’re able to find peace in her passing. I learned several things by reading your words, and while it’s painful right now, sharing her story and your story has touched your readers incredibly. Know that we are all thinking of you right now, and hoping the best for you. We’re your support system and we want you to be happy, so if there’s ever anything you need to talk about, I hope you don’t hesitate to email, call, or text someone. I hope you have a life filled with peace and healing, and that Lucy continues to live within your heart. I know a piece of her, no matter how small, will always be with me now from having read your post. Thank you.
58.
laura | January 25, 2012 at 6:54 am
This is so beautiful, Chelsea. I am so, so sorry for you loss and am still praying for you and her family.
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